Are you in love with your clients and employees
I consider myself an extremely fortunate woman. I live in a beautiful place, I love what I do, and after spending most of my adult life being single, I met the love of my life at 42. But unfortunately, I spent most of my single years dating the wrong men. Men who were not interested in being in a committed relationship with me, men that did not have their lives together, and men that had baggage so heavy they could barely stand.
So, why did I give my valuable time to these men who were all wrong for me? At times, it was because I was bored. Other times I was scared that someone better might not come along. But more often than not, I said yes when it would have been better for me to say no because I did not have clarity around what I wanted and what was best for me.
Three months before connecting with my now-husband, Edwin, I made a list of 25 qualities I wanted in a man. The list included things like he may have children and is ok with the fact that I do not wish to have my own; he admires my independent nature and appreciates experiences more than things. I made this list so that when and if I found this person, I would not only be able to recognize him, but I would also be able to stop saying yes to the wrong people.
I now do a similar exercise with my clients to help them create a clear picture of what an ideal client and employee look like for them. Then, we make a list of criteria, questions, and strategies to help them uncover if the person sitting across the table is, in fact, their ideal. But just as in my relationship with Edwin (whom I am convinced was made for me), even when you work with your most ideal clients and team members, miscommunications occur, and conflicts arise.
One of the many things I have learned from being in relationship with my husband is that leaning into the discomfort produced by these situations is the most generous thing you can do for yourself, the other person, and the relationship or the work. But what does leaning in look like?
No matter how scary, leaning in looks like having a conversation before resentment, disappointment, and regret can begin to calcify. It looks like being open to listening, being willing to believe the other person, and acknowledging and validating what you've heard. Then and only then, share your own experience of what happened.
It means taking responsibility for your part and committing to do better in the future.
It also means holding the other party accountable for their commitments.
And there are also steps you can take before conflict occurs to help prevent them or at least minimize the impact as much as possible.
Get clear about what qualities make up your ideal client or team member.
Say yes to only the right clients and new hires.
Be clear in communicating your expectations, whether that means paying invoices on time, tracking hours, making decisions within a specific timeline, and them helping to create the desired behavior with a system of support and accountability.
So today, I ask you to look at your relationships with your clients and collaborators. Are you in love, or have you said yes to the wrong people? Have your expectations been communicated? If so, how are you supporting your partners and holding them accountable?